Thursday, June 26, 2008

Bella, our sweet girl and other goings on~

Bella... baby.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...

Swimming in the "big" pool at school/camp/daycare! He is edible!

Soccer duds, so cute!

Well blow me down, Lor's doing a post! Have I ever been so quiet?? Maybe when this whole "blog" thing began last July I was, but not since....

We haven't gone anywhere and I'm still blog checking, but have been less than enthused to write. I just don't feel like there's anything "new" to post and how can you follow the referral posts??!! :)

Everyday my emotions and mind is in a different place, actually it changes by the hour! Don't get me wrong, I'm elated! But if you know how my twisted mind works then you know that I don't always look at the bright side. I'm sort of like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like I'm on a game show and someone's going to come to me and say (guest show voice), "well, thanks for playing Lor, you came sooo close but I'm afraid you didn't win"! Make sense? This is only part of the time though. The rest of the time I'm worried about passing court in time and where my Bezu is. I must say, I have a really good feeling about court, really good.

I pray to have new photo's of her soon - when the next travel group from WHFC comes back. They leave next Thursday/Friday! I can't wait to see her smile!!!!!!!!! Families from the last travel group didn't recognize her picture, that makes me sad. There's a reason, but I don't want to get into all of the details. She is fine, she was at a third house that WHFC opened (I think).

In other news etc., I've been bustling to get her room done! Man, IT IS PINK! It doesn't go with the rest of the house (at all), but I LOVE IT! We're getting new carpeting soon and the bed is being delivered any day. After I post the pics. of the room you're going to die when I tell you where I got the stuff and how much we paid. Damn I'm good! We had to return a bunch of small clothes after I learned of her measurements and got some new ones. Shopping for girls is FUN.

Every time I close my eyes I dream of Africa and of HER. I can never see her face, it's just a glow, kind of like a picture way out of focus... and she's running and playing and she's pure beauty. My stomach comes up to my throat just writing it and now I'm tearing up! See, I'm a freak!! It's so real in my dreams....

I've been trying to work on the Amharic, very slow progress is being made, but it's progress! Stacy - HELP! I'm a moron with this stuff! There are almost ten words MASTERED! WOW, that's pathetic!! :)

MP has been in Sweden all week :( but is just about on his way home (in case some psycho is reading this) and will be home "soon"?? Also, I have a gun in my nightstand and I'm a damn good shot! See, I am a crazy right wing nut job! You wouldn't want to take the chance that I'm being sarcastic, really... The bestest part about MP going away is that Nicholas spends the night in our room! I absolutely LOVE IT! Last night, around 9:00 (he was already in my bed and was supposed to be sleeping while watching Food Network). I hear (from the top of the stairs), "Mom"! Me, "yesssss, what's up Nick, what do you want". "I need to talk to you", he said. So I go to the base of the steps and he's at the top with his hand on his puny little hip. He goes, "Mom! I've been waiting for you. When are you coming to bed? It's time to come to bed now"! I bolted up the stairs and scooped him up in my arms and threw him on the bed. I smooched, and smooched him! It was adorable! I am so lucky to have him, I love having a son! It's incredible. Of course, two days before I wanted to leave him in the middle of Kohl's shoe department during an absolute meltdown. I don't know how security wasn't called he was so out of sorts. I wanted to curl up in a little ball. That's what happens when you expect to shop with a child who just had a full day of running sports in the sun without any down time! My bad! Lesson learned! :)

Waiting after referral is easier in some ways but soo much harder in others. You have a face (thank you God) and some information, but it doesn't feel complete as I mentioned earlier. So, you just go along with it and step out in faith and move forward with planning for your child's arrival.

Last but no way near least. A big sad mention of the passing of a dear member of our family. Bella, Kiki's (my sister) doggie was whisked up to heaven last Friday night. We all loved her spirit and she's watching down on us now and playing with all the other beautiful doggie spirits that have touched our family's lives. She left as only a queen would leave, on the sofa, peacefully... Love you Bella, we miss you. She had a long, full life. Kiki is crushed~

Send her your prayers please!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I'm a cookie~

I crumbled when I saw her pictures.... the rest is history! She is an amazing girl in every single solitary way!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Details of June 9, 2008!

We woke up and got ready for the day. It was Nick's first day at sports camp (right down the road for three hours a day) and I happily dropped him off at 8:45!

I came home to do kitchen work and didn't have a whole lot on my plate that day. I felt anxious but that's not a new feeling. I was jumping at every phone call and was let down each time except when my sister Kiki (Michelle) called. She's been home for a few days as she had a minor medical procedure done and had some time off from work. We chatted for a few minutes and I told her that Nick was at camp and that I was getting a little bored and wanted to go visit the last half hour to watch him and the gang wrap up. She decided to join me and we made plans to grab a quick bite out (a cheat - again) afterwards with Nicholas at a nearby Pizza joint.

While I was waiting for her to call me back to say that she was leaving her house, I stood at the screen door to the deck and looked up at the birds and said, "come on Roy, it's time, call ME"!
Nope! Grrr.

Michelle and I met at the school/camp and watched Nick pay zero attention to his coaches while the rest of the "team" listened and played the game eagerly... that's my guy! :) He finished up and we made a quick stop back at my house to grab something before heading off to lunch.

A few minutes after being seated and ordering (I got a glass of wine - at 1:00) our food and I pulled out the envelope of our new foster child Tsige in Ethiopia. I talked a ton about the sponsorship program to Michelle and she listened and asked many questions... Then the question, "why is it taking so long if the problem is sooo huge"? I'm sure you've all heard this several times and I tried to explain things... I ended by saying, "it's going to be really soon. We're at the top again and there haven't been any referrals in a little bit". So our food came and I (as usual) couldn't focus on much except for the f.fries and pizza while we tried to entertain Nicholas with his activity book and get him out of his cranky mood (he was tired)!!

Da, da, duh.... drum roll..... my cell phone rang. I didn't hear it but Kiki did and said something. I fumbled my blackberry out and noticed it was MP's work number. As I went to press the ignore button (I'm not a jerk, but I figured I'd just call him back when I got in the car, we were finishing up with lunch) but decided to answer.

ME; hello
MP; hey
Me; hey
MP; where are you
ME; I'm at Fremont house of Pizza with Michelle and Nick, why
MP; take the phone and go outside
MP; trust me, there's someone on the phone that wants to speak with you, just go outside now
Me; OMG, are you serious, is this it
MP; YES, go outside

Me; ok, I'm outside now, what's going on
MP; hang on hun, I'm going to patch someone in

MP; ok, we're both here
Roy; hi lori
Me; sobbing uncontrollably, yessss (hesitant)
Roy; congratulations
Me; omg, omg, omg are you serious
Roy; you have a daughter and I'm going to give you the details, we need to meet later today

The rest is a sniveling, slobbering, mess of a conversation that I'll spare you of because it contains alot of "huhs, uh-huh's, and freaky crying.

He kept pausing for response and never got any really because I was frozen and a hysterical mess.. I didn't even remember her name after I hung up! I went in and the waitress was starring at me (Kiki said something) and gave Kiki a thumbs up! She saw my face all curdled and wet and was relieved with the thumbs up because I think she thought something was wrong... Poor Nick just kept saying, "Mommy, your tears are coming out"! Precious! We kept telling him why but he just doesn't get it. He keeps thinking she's on her way - literally!

The ride home was crazy, I was trying to call people and just got machines and it was a blurr.

We met with Roy at 5:00 last night and learned about our girl - there's been a ton of different emotions but I think that's on par with adoption. I'll be sending or hand delivering our acceptance tomorrow to our agencies headquarters to try to expedite things... time is so of the essence right now. I don't want to think of not passing court in time, but it's a reality. It won't kill my emotions or high right now and I can post about that stuff in due time! Right now is referral time!

Sadly MP is away all week, so I'll be sleepless on my own!

This is the story of the day! She is tremendous and full of beauty and grace, even in her sorrowful pictures.... I can't wait to hold her and see her smile...

ps... I never expected MP to get the call, I had it all planned out in my head, see what happens when you plan! God has a sense of humor indeed!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Here ye, here ye, the princess has been declared!

I'm so overwhelmed (and drained) and don't want to do the "how it happened" post right now as it'll be too short and sweet without the energy to give the actual details...

We (MP) got the call today about our amazing daughter in Ethiopia... Wow!

He called me and we did a three way with our social worker to get the tid bits today but had to meet with him at five tonight to see pictures and get the details... The call came at lunchtime so you can imagine the suspense of having to wait!

She is a three year old girl that just came into the Horizon House (our agency home) a week ago.
I don't think it's wise to say her name quite yet, but her name starts with a "T"!

We are numb, we are infatuated, we are IN LOVE, we are scared for her, we are beyond words!!!

I can't wait to post her picture ~

Nine months and change... we have a little girl!

Love and hugs to all of you that have been an amazing source of strength and wisdom throughout this process..

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have the "where with all" to post the details of "the call"!!!!!!

Praise the Lord, it has come.

xoxoxo Lor

A little birdie told me......

More later! June 9, 2008 will go down in the Parker history books!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Make HER a double!


I said nothing would pull me out of the funk except our referral call... WRONG!!!

There has been a ton of bird activity right next to my office on the back deck, like crazy bird activity. They won't leave and that has never happened. Plus they're squawking and singing like crazy. If anyone remembers from last December there was a bird incident when I was shoveling and I knew a referral was coming for someone - it was Bethany and Jeff.

So the past couple of days I've been tentatively thinking and jumping when the phone rings... and... nothing!

To be honest, I was in my room an hour ago praying and praying to Jesus that I have to see her, like now! And... the phone rang, I jumped!!! Nope.

I threw my stuff in the car to pick up my straight "M" student from daycare (graduation was today and his progress reports was all "M's", the highest letter)!

Pulled up to the mailbox and saw magazines, newspapers and bills. Started to close the door without taking the stuff as nothing was exciting enough that I wanted it sliding around on the passenger seat!

As all of us are aware, there is a dire situation unfolding once again in Ethiopia. So many of us did research and struggled with our helplessness. I cried for days on and off reading the stories coming from Africa and found myself so, so, so sad.

A member of my agency's yahoo group said that they had contacted WHFC to ask if there was anything our families here could do and or what aid resource/organization is best. He posted a response back from one of Ethiopia team members at WHFC. She spoke about their sponsorship program etc etc.. I had heard about the sponsorship program before but never the depths of what it really meant. I was in! The help was immediate, the help was huge, the help impacts the life or lives of a family. It enables them to pay for school, get medical treatment, and get FOOD. The sponsorship program is handled by the in country persons and so it is right away help.

I see a large-ish square envelope upside-down between the newspapers and grab it to confirm my assumption of "junk mail" before pulling away. The return address was Wide Horizons for Children with their recognizable logo in the corner. As I started to open it and read the first couple of sentences I quickly realized what this was! I saw lined paper in the back with immature print.... omg.... I had no idea that I would get something written from anyone! I forced myself to be patient and read the formal letterhead with instructions on how to correspond with this child. Then I threw those on the seat (I was in Park at this point crying ugly) and saw a picture.
SHE is absolutely stunning, SHE is an eight year old girl living in the Tigray region. SHE is a full orphan, SHE doesn't go to school, SHE used to live with her aunt but not anymore. SHE is precious... and she wrote me/us a letter.

And do you know what's at the bottom of the page...

This beautiful hand drawn picture of birdies....

I am so full of joy to get this today.... her name is Tsige!! Thank you God!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

This is a cloudy because it was so dark to begin with and I added fill light to it! Last weekend my friend Rhonda and I had an Arbonne party at my house... we had a blast and I didn't get to bed unitl 3:30.... As fun as things can be, there's always a giant elephant in whatever room I'm in... where is she? Who is she? What does she look like? Is this going to happen at all????
So, what do you do the very next day when you just finished cleaning from a party??? Entertain again! We had my in-laws over for steaks on the grill! The weekend went by so fast, but time moving quickly is exactly what I want!
We are back on the top of the waiting list
with our agency, but we've been on it and off it enough times that it's hard to get too excited..
I just cannot fathom travel in November because of the courts.... I cannot get my mind around that! We have a ton of beautiful clothes in her room on hangers... summer clothes... ugh! They will have to be returned and I don't know how to do it without looking like a crazed crack addict to the clerk. Either crying or on the verge...
There have been several mental breakdowns and ugly tantrums. Mostly when nobody is around, but MP has had to witness a few - he's great, but I have to be honest... it's very difficult for me because he's not an anxious person, he's not going through what I'm going through...
I am furious, mad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, confused and losing all hope... I am so twisted in self pity and I need to get over it but there's only one thing that can pull me out of this funk. Can you figure out what that one thing is?? ;)
This part of my life NEEDS to be over, this holding pattern HAS TO STOP, I refuse to accept it and just be happy for what's to come. It IS TIME. Nothing can distract me anymore...
One funny thing I thought of the other day and said to MP. I said, "isn't it funny that some little tiny person that I've never met or laid eyes on half way around the world consumes every fiber of my daily life"...
All of the ugly failure feelings have been surfacing that I dealt with while struggling with infertility. It's sad but true. I know I'm not being punished in my head, but it's hard to grasp when it's stupid long for us to add a child to our family.
I don't want ya'll to thing I'm on a bridge or anything. It's just been a while since I've posted the raw gut truth of my feelings. I also understand that there is a much bigger picture and that my woes aren't really a big deal in the scheme of things, but darn it, I'm tired of talking myself up!
Please come join my pity party, I'll serve the food and cocktails, just come and wallow with me for a moment! :) This too will pass, but not until we get our referral...
edit; Freaking blogger and those stupid paragraphs - I'm at the end of my rope!