Tessa Bezu and Ethiopia will forever be connected. And I love that. I try to use the little Amharic that I learned during our wait. We talk about Ethiopia, but not too much. I honestly think that some people over do it with the cultural aspect. I am Sicilian and Greek. There are aspects of my life that represent that etc, but my life doesn't revolve around it. And for me, it would be wrong to plaster my entire home with anything and everything Ethiopian. BALANCE! I believe that is key.
Sadly because of this past year, there hasn't been the balance I planned on having with her. We haven't gone to Ethiopian restaurants, events, actually nothing other than talk about Ethiopia at home and look at pictures. I'm ashamed of that, but can finally admit it because it's all going to change soon!
Here is the grit of this post.... because of the extreme changes in our lives Tessa is now rejecting everything that has to do with Ethiopia where before she embraced it and would get excited when we talked about visiting in a few years together.
Gee, I wonder why.... NOT. Mommy went from being basically a stay at home Mom other than a few hours a day at pre-school, now Momma has a full time job, Daddy and Mommy don't live together, we have moved once already since she came home. That was only nine months ago, and we're moving again.
So, the other night when tucking her in I said "betam "Eh wed eh SHAH lehu" (I love you very much)..... my baby started to cry and said; "NO"! I don't want to talk Amharic, I don't want Ethiopia. We talked about it for several minutes, I questioned, probed to find the reason behind it. She just kept saying she didn't ever want to go back there and didn't want to speak Amharic. :(
I left her bedroom and cried. What a failure. I know we will recover together, but it sucked. I cannot wait until she is ready to embrace Ethiopia again. She's obviously reacting to all the changes in her little life and deep down the pain from the past are emerging.
Cannot tell a lie - as a parent - makes you feel like shit. But who cares about my feelings. The most important feelings are those of my babies. And I will make up for all of my shortcomings. We will get back into a routine that they get used to with me working. And I will refrain from ET talk with Tessa for a bit.