We are in!

That's all for now - we're still alive and well!!! Much to report soon, after Christmas I think...

It's almost done!

The packing that is!!!! Not one gift has been purchased. Why move presents? And the past couple of years presents have been MUCH different for obvious reasons. Water! Focus! Purpose! Need! And most importantly, why do we celebrate? Is it because of Santa? I hope I don't need to answer that, in fact, I know I don't. You are all of the same mindset.

We're out in a week from today. The house is quite odd and queer feeling. But, I am smiling as what is to come! A new start! A fresh palette, a new adventure and walls to fill with memories of our family. Not to mention LOTS of space to fill and decorate, and God, I really do thank you for a pool to look forward to next year!!! That is SO sad that I wrote that, but I thought it would make someone smile! I love water for charity, but also for my big fat ass to glide in!

We ARE supremely grateful and blessed for the wonderful new abode that the Parkers are soon to fill! No pictures today. For most is packed! Sorry. We're down to paper products and sparse lighting!

So, you'll see me on the other side I'm guessing! xoxoxo Happy Family Memories to you all!!! More to come!

xoxo Lor

No title.......

As I sit here at my computer desk to type a post I can't think of a title. The sound of my fingers striking the keys is making a soft echo in this empty room that used to be filled with warm objects to bounce sound off of. Not anymore. The house is a wreck. We're well into the throws of packing and still have a long way to go in the next three weeks. I will miss my little station here. This is where so much has happened to me. This chair! I found blogs a few years ago from here. Found an adoption agency, filled out countless pieces of paperwork and made friends from this very spot. I've had every emotion possible from sitting here and it's almost time to say goodbye. I will have a new way of writing since my office will be on the third floor loft. Yes, I am actually getting a laptop just to cruise the net and blog! This way I'm not tied down to my desk anymore! I can do fb right from the living room!! And you thought I was on here a lot now!!!

I have so much to be excited about with this next move. I like change. And our family will have tons of new routines to figure out, new schedules, new traditions and certainly many new memories.

These are my random thoughts today! I still pray to Jesus to use me somehow to get back to Africa/Ethiopia. To find a path for me. I know that I am meant to do more. I don't see the big picture. Maybe he wants to wait for the move before revealing it to me! :) Anyway, I welcome it with open arms! By the way, NO I did not change my hair again... it's an old picture!!!

Product Review - Acai Berry

First of all, is this music fun or what!! It makes you want to jump around!!! Love it.

I wanted to drop a few pounds and read that some celebrity (who recently was accused of lip syncing in Australia) lost like 26 pounds after taking this. I thought, "why not"?

My fingers couldn't type fast enough to get my "free trial bottle"!!

It came, I took, I think I gained five pounds! To be fair, I only gave it two weeks to try, if that. I'm an instant gratification type of gal. So, looks like to drop a few I'm going to have to get back to my jumprope routine! It really kicks butt and when I was going strong at it and alternating w/running I got up to 45 minutes of straight jumping (along w/the rest of the workout). It's the only routine I've ever been able to stick to without getting bored and it's easy! And the results are great. I've been doing it on and off for almost ten years. I think the main reason it works is because it's geared to body shape/type. Me, I'm a spoon shape!

The routine is focused on weight lose with muscle gain. If you're like me and you bulk up muscle too easy then this is a great routine for you. Old gym stuff would actually grow my bum. I already have a bubble but. I don't want it bigger even if it's rock solid! SMALLER and firm, yes, it works. If anyone is interested in it, let me know and I'll post about it! AND the best part is that when I do it, I don't change my eating habits per se. I end up eating less and more healthy just because the results are seen pretty quick and it's very motivating to feel like you look good. Suddenly those fries turn into not a "must have", but a "hell no, I'm not going back in that direction. It feels TOO good to have a flat tummy"! UPDATE: Here is the book! It looks stupid, but trust me!!!!

I give the acai berry one glass of cheap wine (not a good rating)...

Yes, update w/new spelling - We're outta here...

Ok, I know I run hot and cold with blog posts. This time I have a very valid excuse for being away! We are moving!! (and three of us - the semi-unemployed ones are sick).

We put the house on the market half expecting it to take forever to get traffic let alone offers. Not so much. Within the past month this place has been HOT, HOT, HOT! We've entertained several offers and we finally came to a wonderful agreement with the folks who were the first ones to see it soon after it went on!

So, then we were crunched. We didn't want to look for the next house until we at least had an offer here. It didn't make sense, right? We weren't expecting the timeline to take shape the way it did. The past two weeks we've been vollying with offers on our home and knew that we had start an obsessive search of our next house! We've seen it all!!! Trust me!

Why are we moving? MP currently travels (plane) almost 50% of the time. When he is home, the office is over an hour away to and from!! :0 Not good with a family of four.

The idea was to shave at least 30 minutes from his commute. WE FOUND OUR NEXT HOUSE!!  We're really excited!! It's a bit larger and it has a pool!!! Something that became very important to me after Cancun. I need to glide!! :)  We have some work to do after we move DECEMBER 14TH!!! And while the kitchen will be re-done completely (at a later date), we will do some things right away to give it some pizzaz.

You won't be seeing much of me here, but I'm always on facebook! I ordered an astronomical amount of moving boxes that should be here soon. Once they come, I'm off!! I am an awesome mover. Period.

This house pack will be tough to leave, for sure. We said goodbye to two dogs here, we watched Nicholas grow from a one year old in a crib to riding a bike w/no training wheels. We tried to expand our family, it took a long time, and we welcomed the most wonderful little girl in the world into our lives. We brought two new puppies into this home. There are too many memories to list. There will be tears of sadness...

Change is something I've always loved. Please keep us in your thoughts. I hope to have some reflective moments on the blog before we go. I'm sure of it. Trust me, the computer will be the last thing unplugged on moving day and the first thing booted up on moving day!!!

God knows me too well...

God seriously has to slap me in the face when I need an answer to something. It has to be abundantly clear. He knows that, He knows me. I love that!

I was trying to figure out a post idea and Lori S.asked about a birth family visit update. The women that commented on that post really gave me something to chew on. Some very interesting things were pointed out that I hadn't considered. And most of all, some of you shared some very personal experiences and for that I am SO grateful. The blog community is just wonderful.

Something happened the very day after that post. 

I was at the computer (gasp) doing a blog post. YOU KNOW WHO starts wandering by, yes Tessa Bezu; (*note to self, next home office must have doors*)... She sees the picture I used for the post. She stopped and asked; "Mom, was that my house?" I tell NO lie! So I'm all freaking out and stuff after just doing this huge post about her not having a stinking clue. All wide eyed, I turned to her and said, "yes, honey, that was your house in Ethiopia. Do you remember it?" Then she told me that there is another building (if you want to call it that) next to it. And yes, there is. Then she told me where there is grass (she was correct), that there aren't any beds and that she sleeps on wood chairs (they had beds made from branches). The floor is dirty and muddy (also true). No cabinets, no kitchen, no walls (true, true, true). I was flabergasted.  Then when she was done saying these things she kinda cocked her head and got shy and said, "I don't know mommy, I don't remember".  Weird!

So, we know that the Parkers have NO intentions of bringing Tessa Bezu back to Arbegona anytime soon! The end! We'll go back to plan "A"... aid work adults only until she is old enough to understand!

Thank you God for showing me once again how you are in charge!

Product review - Moshi!

et me introduce you to my new best friend, Moshi...

Moshi is my LISTENING alarm clock. She is voice activated. That means NO BUTTONS (well a few on the back just in case she's being obstinate and not obeying the command)!

If you click the link above you can see a demo on the website. I was doubtful when I saw the package at BED BATH & BEYOND. It was on sale for $35.99! And the numbers are HUGE. Great for a blind girl! So we got home, plugged it in and she started to talk to me! Whoa. She asked me "what is the correct time"?  "I said, 2:14pm"  and the clock instantly changed to that time!

When you want to set the alarm nooooo more holding down the damn buttons until it reaches the right time and making sure you're on am and not pm! All I say is; "Hello Moshi" She says, "command please" and I say, "set alarm". Then she asks, "what time would you like the alarm to sound?"  "I say, seven o'clock am" All of a sudden she says, "the alarm is set to seven o'clock am"!

And it has the coolest back light ever. You can have no backlight, blue or changing colors backlight! :0 Yes, I am SERIOUS.

THAT IS IT.... well, not really.

It has three different alarm sounds. Three different sleep sounds (if you like that) and tells the date, temperature etc if you ask her. It is NOT a clock radio.

The ONLY downside I've noticed while being sick is that she is confusing my cough with me activating her. You activate her by saying "hello moshi". So, I suppose my cough sounds like hello moshi. Because everytime I cough she asks me to give her a command.  Other down side.... the first few nights she was here I forgot her name in the morning to tell her to turn off. So I was screaming HELLO MEESHI, HELLO MUSHI, HELLO MENSI... nothin.

But we're back on track and we are deeply in love! Goodbye alarm clock buttons.

If you ever have a product you'd like me to review, please let me know, I'm a tough customer, but Moshi get's TWO MARTINI'S.

Close up and personal~Being yourself.

What? Is this too much for you? Then back up and go to another blog! Just like Boo Boo, I tend to be all up and in your face. And today is no different, but today is a day of celebration for one of the most amazing families I've ever met. I won't spill the beans... yet! Ok, it's public now, go over to THIS blog and wish the Alexanders a big congratulations. Welcome Seth Eyasu Alexander!!! Can't wait to meet this precious addition to the team!

So, what's the post about today? It's about getting to the point, living life, not wasting precious time, but also speaking what's in your heart. It's about telling people how you feel, not having regrets, looking back, and also moving forward. It's about the path that God has laid out for us. Not rushing it or trying to be in control. But accepting what is. Not just accepting, but embracing it and being grateful even if you don't see the forest through the trees. It's about everything and nothing at all. It's about saying hello, and saying goodbye. And it's also about daring to be your true self. The real you without facade or mask. Knowing and accepting that not everyone in the world sees things the way you do, and being ok with that. Believing that you won't be liked or loved by everyone, and for crying out loud, stop trying so damn hard. Just live outside your comfort zone for a few days and you will know what I'm talking about. Take a risk, take a chance, do something today that makes you feel uneasy. It will reward you!

Todays post... is about being you, loving you and striving to keep moving in the direction of what you believe in. Ok, that sounds too Stuart Smalley! :)

I'm off the love train now. It was fun, but now back to life. And it's meatball time! Yes, that's what I call living out of the box. Yum!

Topic: Birth Family Visit

I was so rushed yesterday when I did my rambling and what came out in the end is something I'd like to write more about and explain more about.

If you got bored reading about my escapades at Secrets/Cancun and never reached the end of yesterdays post then have no fear! I'm going to kinda sorta start ova! Yes, that's how we talk up hea in the Noth... Bad attempt to try and show the New England accent in writing! I should do a video!!! OMG, I haven't made a video in forever. I would do a video, but frankly I look like shit b/c I'm sick. But be warned... videos are coming to a Lori blog near you!

I need to dress the children... hang on. Don't you love my new way of talking? As if you were reading this live. I'm so used to talking w/people in real time online that I feel you need to know why I'm gone. But you won't know I'm gone will you. Eegads, I need help. Oh wait, already addressing that one!

Time to be serious...

I wanted/want to ask a question to you adoptive moms. Do you ever think, want, or plan to bring your ET child(ren) back to ET for a birth family visit? I know everyone has had a different experience in country and that some of you may not have met your childs b.family. The reason I'm asking this question is that I've been thinking about it. Quite often as of late. Let me tell you about our story real quick and why I'm asking this.

We traveled to ET in August of 08'. We had a birth family visit. It was the most inexplicable moment of my life to be embracing, kissing, and sitting next to a woman so in love with her child that she made the choice that she did. Our visit was about 45 mins. A letter that we wrote to her was translated and read to her. At the end we were able to ask questions back and forth with the translators help. One of the questions that was asked of us was this: "Will you give me updates? Will you bring her back here to visit us?"

At that time we had no intention of bringing our peanut back for a family visit. We also knew that it is something not widely encouraged for a whole host of reasons. We were vague with our answer and repeatedly told her that we would send her updates, pictures, and letters. We did not address the other part of the question, how could we tell her "no". How? Just writing this brings me back. I can literally smell the earth of the dirt floor. We were also VERY fortunate to have the b.family visit at the home of the birth family. What a gift. What a gift.

Most of you know the story of the rest of our time in country and what our lives look like now. Talk about crazy! One day, several months ago I was browsing through pictures on shutterfly and a picture of Tessa's first mom came up on the screen. Tessa walked by and I couldn't close the browser fast enough. Both kids go crazy excited when they see pictures on my computer and she quickly ran over to the screen and asked who that was. I was scared shitless. I said, "you don't know who that is?" She said "no". I was curious and surprised. I knew that I was probably doing something I shouldn't. I never planned to show her pictures from that visit until she was a lot older. But I did. I brought the picture back up on the screen. She stared at it with NO change in expression. Like looking at whatever. I asked her again if she knew those people. She told me no again. I pointed to each person in the picture and asked her. She had NO clue. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. It had probably only been six or nine months since she'd been home here with us when this happened. How could she have no clue. She was just curious. Even to the pictures of the outside of her home. She thought it was "cool" looking and it was as if she's never seen anything like it. She lived there for the first three years and two weeks of her life. How could this be? If you know me, you'll know that I kinda got freaked out and it crossed my mind that perhaps this wasn't her birth family to begin with. No wonder she had no reaction. But that was a fleeting thought. I know it was her family/is her family. Without a shadow of a doubt.

It was right around this time that I spent time putting together a nice album of pictures. I spent time drafting a letter. After putting it all together I sent it off in the mail, Ethiopia bound. Sadly, I was sure it would take a couple of months to get in the hands of the woman who gave birth to our peanut.

About two or three weeks ago I was contacted and told that Tessa's family has made requests that we send an update and some picures. Huh? What? I did that so long ago. I told this person that I already had. And that's when I really started thinking about a visit to Ethiopia WITH Tessa. I even know how to get to that house seven plus hours out of Addis.

MP and I talked about it. I told him that I want to do it, not like tomorrow, but not years away either. He thinks it would do more harm than good to her birth family. Especially Mom. I honestly feel that she would feel peace with it. Sure, it's bound to be very painful. It can't be more painful than how she must have felt that dreaded day that the truck took her baby away. It can't be more painful than "not knowing". If she could see her and touch her again. And know that it was right. Maybe this is just me feeling guilty (again) and selfish. Is it selfish of me? Is this to put me at ease that her first momma see her? These are questions I ask myself.

That is why I'm asking you. Knowing our story, what would you do? What is your story? Will you?

I hope this post doesn't offend anyone or bring up painful memories. If you know my blog then you know that I'm pretty straight forward and open. Yes, again I didn't proof and there is no spell check - sorry!

*** CALLING ALL PRAYERS-CHANTS-MEDITATIONS***

TEAM ALEXANDER HAS COURT TOMORROW!! NUMBER FOUR!! IT HAS TO HAPPEN!!! THIS LITTLE BOY JUST HAS TO PASS AND COME HOME TO TEXAS!

Rambling...

Hi! As usual, I'm starting this post off with nothing in particular to write about. But verbal vomit tends to come from these types of beginnings. Let see where the roller coaster of my pin brain leads us today!

I'm sick... it started in Cancun, I lost my voice but that was about it. It has escalated to feeling feverish and like my head is in a vice. Basically, the norm for me!

There have been some struggles that I cannot share with you all that my family has been dealing with, it looks like resolutionn is on the way. I know that's cyrptic... let's just leave it at that!

The kids are doing great, more than great and we became an official American family by purchasing a used gaming system over the weekend for us all to use. I'm a total dunce and cannot seem to figure out eight buttons at once. Practice should help. Either that or I'll give up.

What else has been on my mind... so so much. I'm still in Cancun in my head. Something kind of happened to me there. I feel like I became more of a free spirit. Like I embraced everything around me and fully escaped reality. I know that's what vacation should do, but it rarely does on the level I reached. Perhaps spending a couple of all nighters pool hoping to "glide around" and evading the security detail had something to do with it. It was a blast. If I wasn't in the water, I was dancing, dancing, dancing. I basically feel like I lived life. Lying in the ocean at night - running in the path of the moonlight into the ocean - lying in the sand counting stars and not caring about all the sand going into my hair or swimsuit - actually wearing AND buying a swimsuit for the first time in years - walking around not caring what I looked like - being a free spirit - and smiling A LOT! I didn't care about the condition of our room, picking up after myself at every turn, didn't care about any sort of schedule or plan, we decided at 11:30 at night to take a 45 minute cab ride into the city to go to one of the top ten (according to them) nightclubs in the world "Coco Bongo", staying there until the wee hours, chillin with a former NBA player for the night, and making an ass of myself trying to do the Dirty Dancing Baby lift with my girl Lynnie in the pool. Not once, but over and over and over (she's still in pain). And yes, that picture above of the infinity pool, I watched the sunrise from that very spot at the end!

Not to mention spending time with my girls -  so so priceless.

Hang on, gotta stir the meatballs....

Ok, so now home and back to reality. Being an adult again. It's ok... NOT! :)
We've had quite a few house showings which is good, I guess. If today's showing doesn't produce an offer then we're pulling it off the market. There is just too much going on with us and this time of year is horrible to consider having to move. Especially since it's pretty much me that has to do all the work of packing etc etc. Ick!

Ethiopia has been coming into my mind in flashes. I tried to put it on the back burner somewhat because it was taking over my life and consuming me. I feel good about where I'm at now. While I'm not ready to take on a cause or plan the next trip, it's something that crosses my mind daily. And when the time is right, I'll know.

I have a very powerful and difficult question to ask you momma's. Have you ever/would you ever take your child back there for a birth family visit if the child doesn't know his/her former family? It's been on my mind. A few weeks ago (hang on, time out. This should be another post but I'm in the mood) we rec'd word from our agency that they've had SEVERAL requests from Tessa's b.family for an update and photos. I was very sad to learn that since about six months ago I put something very special together and sent it. Which means they don't have it. I want them to know, I want them to see. I even want them to touch her. Am I wrong? MP thinks it would cause a world of hurt for her b.mom, I think it would bring her peace. Especially since the last time she saw her it had to have been the most disgustingly heartbreaking moment one could live. I feel like I'm going to throw up just thinking about it. Anyway... I have to go get the kids now. What are your thoughts? And sorry for talking about "fun in cancun" and something so deep right after. Are you surprised?

Lor
Ps... I didn't proof this first and what the hell happened to spell check w/the new blogger?

There's no place like SECRETS!

Wowzer! I should do a video so you can not hear my voice! We had an AMAZING time. I'm waiting to collect the pictures from the girls so I can put together one of my famous video montages! There are far too many immature acts (shocker, I know) to even count.

But one of the best parts of the trip were all of my "AHA" moments. I had several of them. We met some truly special people there that we will keep in contact with and meet up with in the future, hopefully soon!

So I'll keep up this wonderful music until the video and stories come!! I'm such a big little dork! Go Herb Alpert and theTijauna Brass!

And I def. would will go there again! Check THIS OUT, this is where we went!

Lor

Cancun...watch out!

Cancun, (this is where we're staying) the NH girls are coming. You'd probably be better off getting a hurricaine!

Yikes, five girlfriends, friends since kindergarten and up! Yes, and we're nearing 38 years old, that's a long time!

After my trip to California earlier this year it was obvious that me and my local friends have never been on a girls getaway, other than a visit to see Lynnie in Arizona (college days). It is the most perfect time. You could say it's the perfect storm. So much is going on in all of our lives, changes, life changes that it couldn't be better. When do we leave? TOMORROW! At around 4:30 we head for Boston to board the plane.

The crappy thing about that is that I love nothing more than to have a bloody mary when I'm at the airport. I don't know why, it's just my thing. I never have them any other time. It will be too early. The awesome part about that is that we will be in Mexico early enough to enjoy the afternoon and evening.

Which reminds me... crap, I still need to pack, do fingers and toes, tan, and make-out with my babies before I go.

So... you won't be hearing from my new blog until I get back but I can't wait to compile the pictures and video from it into a fun montage! Bon Voyage!

Bartender please...

Bartender, the song you are hearing is a Dave Matthews song about Jesus, Judas and the wine. If you listen to the entire song, I hope it moves you as much as it does me. LFM, it makes me think of you.

I'll start at the beginning. Twilight. Love it. Bought the first book to read on our trip to Ethiopia to pick up Tessa Bezu and never read past page one. Lori Rooney mentioned it soon after that on her blog and I began hearing more and more buzz about this book series "Twilight" on other blogs too... I had it, was sick with mono and a fractured tail bone (don't ask) after our return home so I started to read the series. Finished it in two weeks. World record for Lori the non-reader!  I was so quickly obsessed. Like so many others.

It just so happened that some other friends were as hooked if not more so than I was. Anything and everything Twilight, I lived and breathed all things Twilight (ask my then annoyed husband). A few short months later four of us co-authored a Twilight blog together. And that's where I've been! That's why my "Now Wot" blog has been like crickets. I quickly was overcome by the fun and excitement to share a passion and so many other common attributes with other women. It was the time of my life. I cried more laughter tears than I can remember in so long. It was a high for me. A drug, if you will.

The Twilight blog was a HUGE part of my everyday life, because of the wonderful, fun, smart women that were also co-authors. We spoke several times a day, everyday. It was intense, and very personal. We shared everything, nothing was out of bounds. We were each other's support, ear, shoulder, and laughter. It was AWESOME.

A few months ago something started to shift. Slowly. And more slowly. You have to admit that it's hard to talk/work with four other women on a daily basis without any drama. We were like a rock band with ups and downs in our own lives. We loved and supported one another no matter what and still kept up the blog.

Without getting into details for the privacy of everyone involved, there was a falling out the other day/night. I am mostly to blame. I was asked to leave the blog and their lives. Like I said, I was mostly to blame, I did and said things I'm not proud of. I acted foolishly with my mouth/typing, and was disrespectful to people that I loved. But it burns, deep. Because other people were also hurtful to me. It became unhealthy for us all and I was told to leave the group.  It must have been the end of the road. Period. That's it. You cannot force things. It was just time. They saw I needed to leave, and it was done.

I will honor and cherish every single moment that I had to share with these women. I will always love them. This past year, no matter the outcome, was a blessing in my life and a learning experience too. Self awarness. Accountability for actions and words. That is what I take away from the awesome experience, fun, and hard work from that blog.

I've also learned that I cannot change who I am at the core. I am not an easy person. I am black and white, I have pretty conservative views on right and wrong. And when I love someone, truly love people, I love them HARD. And that's not something for everyone. I get that. I know that. I can appreciate that. My expectations of friendship is sometimes different than others. It's ok. We're not all the same. I am at peace with things now after discussing things today with a confidant. And I cannot let the pain take over me. I feel a DEEP sense of loss in many respects. It will heal. Time heals, right? But for now, I hurt, my face is swollen and eyes look puffy. My mouth is in a straight line. This too shall pass. Why am I telling you this? Because I'm an open book. Any of you who know my writing know this to be true. Now, life is changing again...*sigh*. I miss my girls so very much already. But I have no choice but to move on.

Not only is that huge part of my life over, but we also have our house on the market! Many of you probably know that from facebook. We need to move closer to MP's work. He currently travels over an hour each way to work! :0  There WERE thoughts of us moving to TX (and hopes) but the company just cannot afford to move us and they need MP here more. :( It would have been fun to try a new state. I've always lived in either Mass, or NH.

And the next BIGGEST thing on my ming (hahaha, first) is that Nicholas will be having his eye test next month. Yes, the one that will tell us if he is going to be blind. It's been in my head since January. If tried to stuff it away. The time is drawing near. It's a yes or no test. In Boston. Next month. What do you do when you're told that your son will go blind by twenty/thirty? Do you spoil him rotten and travel all over the world? I don't know. I've been "avoiding" it b/c we know nothing now. He has a 50/50% chance of being blind b/c of my eyesight disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa. My father is blind from it and boys are the target. But I just so happen to be a carrier. Not just a carrier, but a special carrier called a "mosiac". Lucky me. That means I pass the gene on AND develope symptoms, which are already occuring. I won't be blind for many more years but it is happening, slowly. Yay! I don't think you wanted this "Lor" back, did you???

So, here I am. I need a writing outlet. I'm not in the "adoption" phase of life anymore. We are just a family. So I wanted to start over with a new blog. With new things. Sometimes I'll rant, sometimes I'll (try to) attempt to be funny and sometimes it will just be family updates.

I also want to apologize to all the people that I love and have met through the adoption process that I've practically ignored over the past many many months. I hope to catch up on your posts and be a present blogger partner again.

So, glasses up, let's cheer to a new start...not when the world ends, but a fresh beginning. And please send a prayer my way and to my blog friends way for a speedy healing of open wounds.

I do promise to have a more uplifting post tomorrow! Got this bad one out of the way though!

On a side note, I'm SO excited to get back into your lives and see your kiddos. Enough about me. Me me me, blah blah blah! I love you SRD!

Lor

Starting over, blog style.

Today is a new day. It has been a horrible, horrible day. I will share more tomorrow. I wanted to get the new site up and running. It is my desire and need to have a creative writing outlet. Why didn't I use the other blog to do that? Well, that's the story I'm going to tell. Some events have unfolded in the past few days that have had me empty and lost. It dawned on me just a bit ago that I should re-invent the blog. It won't be an adoption blog. It will be a "me" blog. Anything from recipes, jokes, funny stuff, pictures of family, family updates, and useless typical rants!

I'm excited about this new outlet. I'll explain it all! No worries. And did I mention that I'm going to Cancun on Friday? Yes, this Friday!!!! Girls only getaway! And take it from me, girls only getaways are the BEST!

See you on the other side!
Lor

It's that time - September!!!!!

Click on the Team Ethiopia page to the right. We've already raised $11,755.00!!

It's alive - yeah, me!

One year home, we had a remembrance ceremony, cake, we lit candles for each one of us and looked at photos and video of Ethiopia and first home to the United States! It was awesome!







The "ghetto" pool. So much for the in ground we planned. We had a blast with the slip-n-slide into the shark who shot water at us!







Ethiopian picnic! Me and the kids put on our ET outfits! LOVED IT. It was too hot that day but what I was most interested in was watching Tessa with so many Ethiopian children. I was wondering if she might shut down. Nope! We had a lot of fun and can't wait to hang w/Corrine again and her family!!!

Just of the school bus today - sibling lovin'!

The pic-a-nic! Can you see the sweat!

Just before being rolled into the E.R. What a stupe, I had NO clue how things would unfold in the next 48 hours. My hair looks good though!

UPDATE:

Hello UPDATE:my blog friends and visitors. Before I forget, I need to give a shout out to Carlin! I'm angry that you didn't join in the group emails - I've been thinking of you so much lately for obvious reasons and I want to connect with you and talk.

I'm still not ready for a biggie post so I'll just to a brief one *cough* (yeah right).

There are two reasons that Now Wot has been quiet. Well, that's not actually true, I can think of more but as of recently, just two.

The first one is a confession of a mother. Yes. ME. After coming home in August 08' and being used to having the time and financial freedom for my family of working on a regular basis pretty much went into the toilet I became thrust into almost no work and two toddlers full time. So, that is not the best case scenario for someone who's never depended on "husband" for money etc. having to re-do our budgets and pull them out of daycare almost entirely. It was a blow to me over a few months time, a blow emotionally. Oddly enough, I felt useless in a time when I should have felt most needed and important. I just didn't. The kids are annoying but absolutely amazing. I cannot imagine one second without them and have cherished (most of the time) having them home so much since Nick just started kindergarten and Tessa began her pre-school! Sigh. It's refreshing to have a new schedule but it weighs on my heart as a momma-bear!

Bigger than any of that has been my overwhelming desire to "do". Get back there (Ethiopia), raise money, raise awareness. Just fucking do more... M.O.R.E. I started having re-curring thoughts of three situations/incidents that we encountered in country. And they started to fuel my fire and make me ache. Too much. Too-much! Who needs to sleep when they try to pretend they're God and want to change Africa? I always knew I couldn't change the world, but I was determined to give my all in making a difference!

As a result of all the changes emotionally it became apparent that outside help was something I needed to control some of my emotions better. So, after several months kicking and screaming the idea around (also because my lack of patience and anxiety were at full tilt too) I reached out for help. Long story short... (trust me, you won't be surprised at the next statement) I am currently seeking the ear of a wonderful woman on a weekly basis who is putting things into perspective for me. And with that, I'm also under watch by a medication specialist who is helping to level out my mood swings and irrational thoughts on changing Ethiopia! There's passion (which is good). There is drive (which is VERY good). Then there is obsession, not so good!

I've also had another (third) sinus surgery. Because of a blood disorder that I have certain precautions need to be addressed if/when I have surgery. It was three weeks ago. Just after surgery I began hemorrhaging from my nose and they had to fix it in the hospital room. Then the next day (still in hospital) something drastic happened. I don't want/feel like writing all the details. My potassium level and all other electrolyte level plummeted to such dire lows that they rushed me down into the ICU. They were very worried about seizures, coma, heart failure. They put three IV bags on me all at once. My body went into a freeze (not cold, just froze up stiff) and they were able to put me to sleep finally. It was agonizing. I felt like my body was shutting down and the pain was so horrific I couldn't speak but was screaming bloody murder inside. I prayed over and over for God to let me die. Eight pounds of fluid added to my body overnight seemed to do the trick. The following day, I was released! It was a miracle because the surgery is typically a day surgery. The fact that they kept me for monitoring literally saved my life!

Today was school - I'm feeling physically and emotionally great and have put Ethiopia and my passion into a space that is manageable from a mental standpoint. I have to. I need to focus on my family first. I will continue to strive to do more, but the urgency has lessened. In a couple of months when our routine is in place and I know what my work load is then is the time for me to put my mind back to Ethiopia. But my mind was in Ethiopia in an unhealthy way. Balance - it's all about finding balance. And it's different for each and every one of us. I make no apologies, I feel good with the tremendous Team Ethiopia Goal and I see big things for the future. Just not TODAY. Maybe in a few months.

That's it, me, raw, simple, just me talking out loud to my peeps as honestly as I can.

I'll leave you with this video of us in the yard at the Parker WaterPark!

Thanks for Reading -

Lori

Testing... Is this mic on?

I think I'm almost ready for a comeback... I really fell almost ready. But not yet. I don't know where to begin when I do, so there will be several posts addressing different topics. Here's what's going on in my head:

1. Of course, what we've been up to, the basics, been gone too long - a nice recap

2. What are my goals with Ethiopia as a woman/human/mother

3. How to move forward in life when you feel like you're finally coming out of quicksand

4. The balance that we need, that I need, part of my absence, part of my return to blogging

5. And the mental health and well being so important as a woman/mother/someone who wants to make a difference in the world

So you can see how I'm conflicted on where to start. You know I'm a pretty open book so I'm going to share many things within these posts that you may or may not be aware of. I look forward to the cathartic exercise of writing on the blog again. And perhaps touching someone else too.

I look forward to returning soon. And if you have any thoughts, comments or questions that you'd like me to address in these posts please say so in a comment. I'll DIE if nobody comments to at least say they're still reading. If nobody comments I may scrap the whole thing and just start randomly calling people to talk to from the phone book. ;)

Lori

Perpetual Change - URGENT help is needed!

I am blessed to know this wonderful family. We go back quite a bit in adoption/blog world. Her family has changed me in many ways, Leul has put smile after smile on our faces and in our hearts. We are excited to get to know little Adey now that they are home and settling in as a family of four.

But Bethany and Jeff are on another mission. Please go to the family blog if you don't already know them (shame on you) and furthermore, please, if you are able, go to Perpetual Change and see what they're up to now! It's an honor to know people like this and be able to call them "friend"! Awesome!

Some new news. Don't get excited!

Hey all. I'm here, but not really. I've barely read your blogs and obviously haven't been active with mine. Why? Oh dear, I don't have the energy now, maybe some other time.

I've been toying with the retirement of this blog. Let's face it, you've all (ten of you) heard what I have to say on almost every topic, have seen our path to Tessa Bezu and our return home almost ONE YEAR AGO!

The final decision is to not retire. I know I'd regret it soon. I've loved writing on here so much. And I love all my readers. I've made some connections through this process that I'll never ever forget.

So, with that - I'll see you either next week, tomorrow, or next month! Don't forget I'm on FB if you need me. I'm always there!

xo Lori

African thunderstorm

African thunderstorm

Shared via AddThis


This is AWESOME. We experienced so much rain and this is dead on! Thanks Laurie H. for finding and sharing this! Wow!

Don't mess w/Adoptive parents WB!

Caution: Do not watch this movie trailer with children around!

This article is what Melissa Faye Greene wrote about the film (if you can call it that).




I have a post coming up very soon about "older children" again. It's something I feel I need to address again! It's a subject very near and dear to me and this movie has resurfaced many emotions. Watch out bloggers, Lori's got a verbal vomit on the way!

Who want's pictures? Here ya go!

A post in pictures! The past couple of weeks at the lake and in swim class!

I got ZERO comments on my last post. :( I'd also be willing to travel w/anyone who get's their kiddo's (only if I know you) from Ethiopia. I know several of you that are waiting!!!! Anyone, anyone?? I can be emotional and physical support, plus love on all the kids in the care centers.

I'll save the rest for another post. For now, enjoy!

Yes, that's my mother who got soaked by MP's cannon ball! :)

First day of swim class: "Mom, put the camera down, you're embarrasing me"!

Tessa has captured the attention of these two "callers". Notice the boy next to her. Look at the placement of his right hand... I should have belted him! He must have been thinking, "my, what soft skin you have beautiful chocolate princess."

Nick, he can capture an audience too. "I can swim better than you two pin heads".

Yay, class is over. "Did you say we're going to McDonalds?????"

Nick watching his sister swimming - I love how he adores her!

Cornrows!! Someone's leggies are filling out! But not her bum, her swim bottom was falling off!

Snoopy after his swim at the lake, I love how he's biting his lip!

Two kids that need a new hair - do!

Sunset at the lake w/a cocktail. Life is good! My cocktail preference is NOT a juice box!

Beautiful girl!

This picture will be used as evidence in court as his defense attorney tries to get him off the murder charges against me!

Ok, Kiki, it's six-tini, let me go so I can go make my cocktail already!

I want you, again! W/Added video!

Drawn from Water from Drawn From Water on Vimeo.

Hey guys - it's the pest, the one who can't shake Ethiopia. And since I cannot get MP on board with another toddler adoption right now (but future) I am searching for ways to stay connected to Ethiopia and feel called to do something now.

Team Ethiopia kicked ASS with our two wells. I cannot wait to get all the information from them WAY down the road with the specific locations of our wells to share with you all!!!

So, here's the deal. I'm searching and searching. This next passion/obsession is not about raising money. Let's face it, I asked, you responded! This next one is about getting my buttocks back to Ethiopia on a mission trip/aid work trip.

I've found some very interesting ways to go, and they're quite resonably priced. But I want to get a sense if anyone else would be interested in going as well. This year is OUT for me for several reasons, but I'm thinking about a trip next year (not that far away).

Many of you are waiting to travel or will have just come home w/your kiddos, but some of you are in the same spot as me! YOU are who I'm calling, and some of you know exactly who you are!

There are several dates, time spans there, and ways to help. We can either form a group, or I'll go alone :(.

So, even if you're not in the adoption community Ethiopia's children need you! I want you! If you have an ounce of interest you can email me privately, fb an email, or write in the comment section. I'm just dipping my toes in the water to check the temperature of all of you.

Won't you come? I'm fun! :)

A New Post!

Sorry, still working on it! ;)

Team Ethiopia, you did it!

Thanks be to God for all of you!

I got nothin'

I really don't have anything new to post. Life has been, well, uneventful this past week. As much as I love that and craved it I must admit I'm kind of bored. Good news. I'm sick again! Why is that good news? Because it's just a stupid sinus infection and not MONO! :)

It's been a week since my last post so I'm due. I have nothing to talk about and am assuming as I sit here and type that something will zip through my cloudy head....

Nothin'....

Still nothin'...

Ok, I know what I can do. I'll just type the random little happenings around Lexington.

-MP is traveling during fathers day :(

-My sister just left for China on biz.

-Tessa and Nick are MADLY in love

-Did I mention I have work? Two new jobs! Yahoo. I feel a turn-around.

-I love twilight

-Our six month and final appointment with our social worker is this Friday

-I have not found a tick on Snoopy yet - love it

-Two pounds are back on my butt - NOT good

-I want to adopt another child from Ethiopia, like a KID, as in not toddler, not infant

-How can it be the middle of June already

-I really want to write something of substance, but can't think of anything

-There are no new pictures from this week since MP's party

-It's been mostly raining here for the past week

-Due to above illness I had to bow out of a Diana Krall concert and family portraits

-I had a weekend FULL of drama (not w/MP)

-Praying for guidance on a few things regarding Ethiopia

-Charity:water T-minus $600.00 left!!

That's about it *sneezing* for now.

If something interesting comes up in the next few minutes I'll come back. Hope you are all well.

The first time we met her, and other thoughts~

One year ago!

One year ago today we got the call that changed the course of my life and the life of my family. I will NEVER be the same, THANK GOD! And here are the first pictures we saw of our girl.

Details of June 9, 2008!

We woke up and got ready for the day. It was Nick's first day at sports camp (right down the road for three hours a day) and I happily dropped him off at 8:45!

I came home to do kitchen work and didn't have a whole lot on my plate that day. I felt anxious but that's not a new feeling. I was jumping at every phone call and was let down each time except when my sister Kiki (Michelle) called. She's been home for a few days as she had a minor medical procedure done and had some time off from work. We chatted for a few minutes and I told her that Nick was at camp and that I was getting a little bored and wanted to go visit the last half hour to watch him and the gang wrap up. She decided to join me and we made plans to grab a quick bite out (a cheat - again) afterwards with Nicholas at a nearby Pizza joint.

While I was waiting for her to call me back to say that she was leaving her house, I stood at the screen door to the deck and looked up at the birds and said, "come on Roy, it's time, call ME"!Nope! Grrr.

Michelle and I met at the school/camp and watched Nick pay zero attention to his coaches while the rest of the "team" listened and played the game eagerly... that's my guy! :) He finished up and we made a quick stop back at my house to grab something before heading off to lunch.

A few minutes after being seated and ordering (I got a glass of wine - at 1:00) our food and I pulled out the envelope of our new foster child Tsige in Ethiopia. I talked a ton about the sponsorship program to Michelle and she listened and asked many questions... Then the question, "why is it taking so long if the problem is sooo huge"? I'm sure you've all heard this several times and I tried to explain things... I ended by saying, "it's going to be really soon. We're at the top again and there haven't been any referrals in a little bit". So our food came and I (as usual) couldn't focus on much except for the f.fries and pizza while we tried to entertain Nicholas with his activity book and get him out of his cranky mood (he was tired)!!

Da, da, duh.... drum roll..... my cell phone rang. I didn't hear it but Kiki did and said something. I fumbled my blackberry out and noticed it was MP's work number. As I went to press the ignore button (I'm not a jerk, but I figured I'd just call him back when I got in the car, we were finishing up with lunch) but decided to answer.

ME; hello

MP; hey

Me; hey

MP; where are you

ME; I'm at Fremont house of Pizza with Michelle and Nick, why

MP; take the phone and go outside.

Me; WHY.

MP; trust me, there's someone on the phone that wants to speak with you, just go outside now

Me; OMG, are you serious, is this it

MP; YES, go outside

Me; ok, I'm outside now, what's going on

MP; hang on hun, I'm going to patch someone in

MP; ok, we're both here

Roy; hi lori

Me; sobbing uncontrollably, yessss (hesitant)

Roy; congratulations

Me; omg, omg, omg are you serious

Roy; you have a daughter and I'm going to give you the details, we need to meet later today

The rest is a sniveling, slobbering, mess of a conversation that I'll spare you of because it contains a lot of "huhs, uh-huh's, and freaky crying.

He kept pausing for response and never got any really because I was frozen and a hysterical mess.. I didn't even remember her name after I hung up! I went in and the waitress was starring at me (Kiki said something) and gave Kiki a thumbs up! She saw my face all curdled and wet and was relieved with the thumbs up because I think she thought something was wrong... Poor Nick just kept saying, "Mommy, your tears are coming out"! Precious! We kept telling him why but he just doesn't get it. He keeps thinking she's on her way - literally!

The ride home was crazy, I was trying to call people and just got machines and it was a blurr.

We met with Roy at 5:00 last night and learned about our girl - there's been a ton of different emotions but I think that's on par with adoption. I'll be sending or hand delivering our acceptance tomorrow to our agencies headquarters to try to expedite things... time is so of the essence right now. I don't want to think of not passing court in time, but it's a reality. It won't kill my emotions or high right now and I can post about that stuff in due time! Right now is referral time!

Sadly MP is away all week, so I'll be sleepless on my own!

This is the story of the day! She is tremendous and full of beauty and grace, even in her sorrowful pictures....

I can't wait to hold her and see her smile...

ps... I never expected MP to get the call, I had it all planned out in my head, see what happens when you plan! God has a sense of humor indeed!

Back to now, video I haven't shared until today.

This was the first time we ever saw her little face and body in person... at the care center, of course.

Moments later when I first held her (it was 5:00 am and we had only ten minutes w/her before our 9 hour journey to meet her family at her home).

Other random ramblings...

I have something on my mind. It's been growing, growing, and growing bigger by the day. Every day that goes by with this angel in our home. This weight is like a cancer and today I'm going to spill the beans about something that may be hard for some people to read.

Why don't more people adopt older children? I think the answer is that they're scared to death. Why are they so scared. Because of all the books out there that scare the crap out of people. They scare you in every single solitary way about adoption in general and it kinda pisses me off. They make adoption out to be this big black unknown hole. And we were scared to death as a result. We bought tons of books, did all kinds of research online, heard SO many horror stories.

I've since realized that adoption is like watching the local or national news. Only the bad is blown up for everyone to see. You very rarely read about the thousands and thousands of wonderful adoption stories. Orphans are often portrayed as: evil, disgusting inside and out, mean and tough. We see it in the movies all the time.

Yes, every situation is different, every kid is different. But don't we ALL have baggage and issues from our lives adopted or not?

I'm ashamed (now) when I think back about my fear, and our original age range for our request which was 9-24 months. I'm ashamed that I was so naive to think a three year old would somehow be a "used" child with baggage, unmanageable by two adults! That a three year old would be forever be tarnished and hateful and unhappy. What could I have been thinking? And now, she's four.

Since her birthday I cannot get all of those "older" kids out of my mind that we met. All the four, five, and six year olds that nobody wants, the seven, eight and nine year olds that are all but ignored and not given a second look - out of fear. What is the common denominator with these kids? They all want homes and families. They all want someone to love them and read to them, and teach them and listen to them. They want a chance. And why, why don't they get it. FEAR. It was not a choice they made to be orphaned. It wasn't bad behavior that got them into care centers/orphanages. It was a dire situation that landed them there.

The way these older/waiting children are shown to prospective parents is also something that bothers me. They should show videos of the kids. I can't tell you how many times I've seen waiting children pictures that do make them look scary and are unflattering. I was shocked to see the faces in real life that I'd seen on the waiting child list for months and months when we traveled to Addis. The difference was night and day.

What's my point. Here is my point. And it's solely directed to anyone in the early stage of adoption. PLEASE consider an "older" child. Don't get me started on that term. It should be more like PLEASE consider a toddler or little boy or girl other than an infant.

Infants are not in dire need of homes. It's very clear based on the wait times right now.

I cannot judge. I have had the blessing of carrying a child in my womb and experiencing an infant. I understand the want and need for many couples to have that experience. But I am talking to those who have had that. If you have had that, or not. If you are adopting, please be educated, but don't let FEAR make your decision about age. Let go and let God. We did and I pinch myself everyday.

Dear Lord, I pray that these children of YOURS have families soon!